Readers: which is better?
Dear Friends and Readers,
Until now I had little trouble with my Statement of Interest for Graduate School. With my last two, Queen's and Ottawa, I'm having a little trouble deciding on very minor matters of phrasing, etc, and I was hoping you could shed some light on this.
I won't include the statements in their entirety as they are more or less the same: what is troubling me is the one paragraph where I discuss the school in question as well as faculty I'd like to work with.
Here are two possibilities for Queen's University. Tell me which is better:
1) One may ask why I have chosen Queen’s University. Apart from the
university’s reputation, I am attracted to English department at Queen’s University because of its [remarkable] strength in the area of Restoration and eighteenth-century literature, something of a rarity in North America. I am interested in the research of Christopher Fanning and especially F.P. Lock. I share F.P. Lock’s interest in eighteenth-century philosophy and aesthetics. His expertise in this area, especially his familiarity with...would be invaluable for my research enterprises. In fact, I have already spoken with Professor Lock and he has expressed his interest in working with me.
OR
2) One may ask why I have chosen Queen’s University. The university’s English department is remarkably strong in the area of Restoration and eighteenth-century literature, a trait few universities in this part of the world can claim. I am especially interested in the work of F.P. Lock, whose expertise in the area of eighteenth-century philosophy and aesthetics would be invaluable for my research enterprises. In fact, I have already spoken with Professor Lock and he has expressed his interest in working with
me.
Finally, here is the paragraph in question for U of Ottawa, which is, I freely confess, far more confused than the latter:
I am attracted to the English department at the University of Ottawa because of the presence of Frans De Bruyn. I share his interest in the philosophy and aesthetics of the period (not to mention the poetry and appropriation of classical writers such as Virgil). I would definitely enjoy and profit from his course on Don Quixote in the eighteenth-century. His expertise in this area, especially his familiarity with Edmund Burke and matters of taste (which complements my understanding of Smith), would be invaluable for my research enterprises.
Until now I had little trouble with my Statement of Interest for Graduate School. With my last two, Queen's and Ottawa, I'm having a little trouble deciding on very minor matters of phrasing, etc, and I was hoping you could shed some light on this.
I won't include the statements in their entirety as they are more or less the same: what is troubling me is the one paragraph where I discuss the school in question as well as faculty I'd like to work with.
Here are two possibilities for Queen's University. Tell me which is better:
1) One may ask why I have chosen Queen’s University. Apart from the
university’s reputation, I am attracted to English department at Queen’s University because of its [remarkable] strength in the area of Restoration and eighteenth-century literature, something of a rarity in North America. I am interested in the research of Christopher Fanning and especially F.P. Lock. I share F.P. Lock’s interest in eighteenth-century philosophy and aesthetics. His expertise in this area, especially his familiarity with...would be invaluable for my research enterprises. In fact, I have already spoken with Professor Lock and he has expressed his interest in working with me.
OR
2) One may ask why I have chosen Queen’s University. The university’s English department is remarkably strong in the area of Restoration and eighteenth-century literature, a trait few universities in this part of the world can claim. I am especially interested in the work of F.P. Lock, whose expertise in the area of eighteenth-century philosophy and aesthetics would be invaluable for my research enterprises. In fact, I have already spoken with Professor Lock and he has expressed his interest in working with
me.
Finally, here is the paragraph in question for U of Ottawa, which is, I freely confess, far more confused than the latter:
I am attracted to the English department at the University of Ottawa because of the presence of Frans De Bruyn. I share his interest in the philosophy and aesthetics of the period (not to mention the poetry and appropriation of classical writers such as Virgil). I would definitely enjoy and profit from his course on Don Quixote in the eighteenth-century. His expertise in this area, especially his familiarity with Edmund Burke and matters of taste (which complements my understanding of Smith), would be invaluable for my research enterprises.
I would appreciate any insight. Thanks. Either leave a comment or, if you'd prefer, an email at piouslabours [at] yahoo . ca
posted by Pious Labours | 3:35 p.m.
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